


Covered Faces, Hidden Names

by Elasmosaurus



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alois gets an honourable mention, Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Beta so Glenn Lives, Glenn Fraldarius Lives, Hijinks & Shenanigans, I can't tag it here or it ruins the ending, Mentioned Black Eagles Students (Fire Emblem), Mentioned Blue Lions Students (Fire Emblem), Mentioned Golden Deer Students (Fire Emblem), Mild Sexual Content, Multi, Self-Indulgent, introducing Glenn's real name, mild sexual references, the server made me do it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:54:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27112223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elasmosaurus/pseuds/Elasmosaurus
Summary: The longer Glenn held out on sharing his passport photo, the more people became interested in what he was hiding. With just days to go ahead of their trip, almost everyone was willing to help make The PlanTM happen. They would find out exactly what Glenn Fraldarius was hiding.A school trip to Morfis gets the students exchanging their passport photos. When Glenn refuses to share his, Sylvain, Yuri and Claude vow to get their hands on it.CW: Mild sexual references.
Relationships: Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Yuris Leclair | Yuri Leclerc, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/My Unit | Byleth, Sylvain Jose Gautier & Claude von Riegan & Yuris Leclair | Yuri Leclerc, Sylvain Jose Gautier/Hapi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 26





	Covered Faces, Hidden Names

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes in the Felileth server we have adult conversations about the intricacies of FE3H.  
> Other times, we come up with the silliest nonsense and devolve into fits of giggles for hours. We recently had a conversation like the latter, and this is the result of it.

Garreg Mach Preparatory was the most prestigious boarding school in all of Fodlan. The motto -  _ Discere, Docere, Seminare _ (Learn, Teach, Spread) - was ingrained in all aspects of school life. Thus, the three classes were mixed ages and older students were expected to guide and mentor the younger ones. This often worked well in theory, but the troublemaking trio of Sylvain Gautier, Yuri LeClerc and Claude Riegan were renowned for leading the rest of their respective classmates astray. Thankfully Glenn Fraldairus, Hubert von Vestra and Lorenz Gloucester were mostly able to keep them in check.

Alumni of Garreg Mach Preparatory always spoke fondly of their time at the institution, many citing it as a true inspiration during their formative years, but there were two school events that were not created equal to the rest: the Battle of the Eagle and Lion, and the annual pilgrimage. The Battle was a full scale re-enactment of a medieval war, meant to teach students authority and discipline. War cries were created - Fear the Deer, Caw Caw Motherfuckers and Every Last One. It was supposed to quell the aggressions and petty rivalries that sprang up over the year, but in reality it fuelled them. Sciences, Languages, Classics and Mathematics were eschewed for a month. In their stead, training sessions on weapons, armour and terrain helped fill in the skill gaps of students. Tactics and strategy of past skirmishes became the focus of history lessons. And when the time came, the students marched (yes, marched, including camping out rough, with all their heavy war gear) to Gronder Field. The winners of the Battle were able to choose the location of the pilgrimage and assist in planning. 

When Claude used one of his secret schemes to lead the Deer to victory, the classes knew theirs would be the best pilgrimage in the history of the school. All students thought this, every year, but this one could actually be different. With his super rich parents, penchant for decadence and Hilda, who was lazy when it came to everything  _ except _ a party, to guide him, the trip would surely be something none of them would forget.

And it was, but not for the reason they initially expected.

* * *

Hilda’s bubblegum pink pigtails bounced as she excitedly executed a double fist pump. “Morfis! The exotic, mysterious Isle of Morfis. Sun, sea and  _ swimwear! _ ” She clapped her hands together excitedly, eyes filled with glee. Topless Claude was a snack and she couldn’t be the only person dying to see what the little cutie Ashe hid under those infuriatingly baggy hoodies.

Professor Jeralt filled them in on the rest of the details at the next Assembly. The Riegans had generously allowed them use of their private jet to fly, feasts every night, passports would need to be collected from their parents before the end of next week, they would be staying in an exclusive beachside resort with separate male and female accommodation, this would be enforced by teacher patrols, etc. etc. Sylvain stopped paying attention to look around the room. He met Claude’s eyes with a mischievous grin that reflected in the glint of the other’s eyes. Exactly how much had his family subsidised this trip?

But more importantly, there was a loophole to the separate accommodation with patrols they could exploit, the glint meant Claude had worked it out too. Doubtless Yuri had as well. Sylvain leaned forwards until his breath ghosted on Dorothea’s ear to whisper in his rich baritone, “You, me, sex on the beach?”

He didn’t need to see her face to feel the eyeroll. “One, there is no you and me. There will never be a you and me. Not even if the future of the world, or more importantly Mittelfrank, depended on it.”

That was harsh, but fair. She certainly did care more about the Opera House that discovered her and enrolled her in the school to refine her education than the world in general.

“Two, ew. No. Sex on the beach is the  _ worst. _ Sand gets  _ everywhere.” _

Syvain chuckled quietly, the rumble deep and low in her ear. “Sounds like someone with experience.”

“Sounds like someone without,” Dorothea retorted. Ouch. She knew how to cut where it hurt.

Sylvain slouched back quickly before she could wound his ego any further.

Of course, passports meant the delight of comparing everyone’s awful passport photos. Linhardt looked like a rabbit caught in headlights, white background washing out the pallor of his skin, eyes forced as far open as possible to combat his usual lethargy. Claude’s picture was a treat, with his boyband-inspired hairstyle and lack of a nose due to exposure earning him lots of jokes at his expense that he had secretly started himself. Yuri, Hilda, Dorothea and Edelgard’s photos could have come out of a model photo shoot. Infuriating, but to be expected. Bernie looked a second away from her signature shriek and run. Felix’s typical scowl scrunched his face a little less to make the picture passable. One by one, everyone shared their photos. It was only fair after all. Predictably, Hubert looked like a convict (Yuri had temporarily borrowed his passport without permission when he refused to share. Hubert had known this would happen and left it out where Yuri could find it. He agreed it best that everyone could see all passports, but it would do his carefully crafted villainous image no good to be seen indulging in such trivial nonsense). Glenn, however...Glenn wouldn’t show them, and kept his passport safely stored away on his person at all times.

Everyone knew Felix as the cagey Fraldarius brother. Closed off, grouchy, antisocial even to his friends, whereas Glenn was usually the life of the party. A social butterfly and a clear choice as the Lion representative in the upcoming White Heron Cup formal dance competition (the Eagles will definitely choose Yuri - deft on his light feet, possessing a waist capable of hypnosis when shaken. The Deer are still undecided.) This made Glenn’s secrecy regarding his passport mighty suspicious. There was something he was hiding, and Claude, Sylvain and Yuri had to know. So together, they vowed to find out.

Claude tried to charm him into sharing, with no luck. Sylvain used the weight of 20 years as friends - “you’ve known me since birth Glenn, we shouldn’t have secrets” - to little avail. Yuri resorted to light fingers to acquire the offending passport, but Glenn always  _ knew _ somehow and he never succeeded. Yuri always succeeded at everything, even if he had to resort to more nefarious means to get there. Spurred on by failure, the trio conspired and a plan began to form.

The longer Glenn held out on sharing his passport photo, the more people became interested in what he was hiding. With just days to go ahead of their trip, almost everyone was willing to help make The Plan TM happen. They would find out exactly what Glenn Fraldarius was hiding.

Surprisingly, Hubert had been on board as soon as they asked. Yuri had expected his house leader to try and stop them when he found out, but Hubert was the sort of person who believed information was the most valuable currency. Glenn’s shadiness had riled his interest, and whilst he wouldn’t assist them, he would stay out of their way and occupy the loudest naysayer - Ferdinand von Aegir - whilst they executed their gambit. Claude had ensured Lorenz never found out so with no further obstacles, they put the wheels into motion.

* * *

It was a rare stroke of pure genius on Sylvain’s part, really. When enrolling at the start of each school year, student’s passports were used as part of the student documentation. To see Glenn’s passport, all they needed to do was break into the records office and find his file. Photocopy the correct page and get out. They were lucky that for all the school’s wealth, prestige and state of the art technology in the classrooms, the filing system was still stuck in the dark ages with hard copies of everything. The usual administrator, Alois, being a huge technophobe was usually a pain but right now, they loved him for it. He was also off at the moment, spending time at home with his family.

Byleth Eisner, Jeralt's daughter, took the temporary job to cover his absence. A pint sized figure about Sylvain's age whose trademark disappointed look packed a punch, whose luscious bright green bangs framed a pretty porcelain face with a tongue sharp enough to cut diamond. She was a woman of few words, but she made what she said count. Byleth's voluptuous curves were emphasised by the black skin-tight skinny jeans and fashion corset she always wore under a sinfully tight leather jacket. Technically there was a dress code for staff but she'd stared Seteth down when he tried to enforce it, winning the hearts of all the students and earning her way into the steamier dreams of those who were that way inclined.

She was also the first snag in the plan. **Step one:** Sylvain and Yuri got Mercedes and Ashe on board. Mercedes was fantastic with the photocopier, they couldn't pull it off without her. Yuri was a skilled lockpick but Ashe was quicker and had the sort of innocent face that would get him out of trouble if caught, allowing the others to scarper or hide. Both agreed easily.

**Step two:** someone had to distract the stunning Byleth Eisner in the corridor, away from the records office. Naturally, all of the trio put themselves forward for _that_ particular task at planning, but they’d put the decision off until the day of.

It was lunchtime, and the office was locked whilst Byleth took her break. Claude, Yuri and Sylvain were leaning in a conspiratorial huddle against the wall, their current topic of discussion the Byleth of it all.

“C’mon guys, I got this. We need some signature Gautier charm to pull this off,” Sylvain purred seductively with a wink, opening his arsenal to prove a point. Yuri gives Claude a smirk, lavender eyes shining dangerously.

“A wager my friend? We’ll leave it to a game of chance.”

Claude laughs, a low, deep sound which reverberates through his ribcage. “It’s never left to chance with you.” But curiosity got the better of him. “What did you have in mind?”

“We flip a coin for who gets the honours of charming the lady’s heart.” Yuri’s eyes are trained on Claude’s in an unsaid challenge.

“Hey! That doesn’t work, there’s three of us,” Sylvain whined.

Another rumble escapes Claude’s chest. “You,” he points at Sylvain, “have no game. And you,” he gives a mocking bow in Yuri’s direction, “have a deal.”

Yuri nods and pulls a coin from his pocket. “Fell Star or Ashen Demon?”

His choice doesn’t matter. For Yuri LeClerc to use it in a wager, the coin must be weighted.

“Demon.”

He’d always liked how the Ashen Demon of legend cut their own path.

And their fabled stoicism reminded him of a certain pretty administrative assistant he could see coming down the corridor. Yuri had his back to her as he flipped the coin. Claude’s green eyes followed the metal circle as it span on itself, tumbling star over demon over star through the air. His hand darted out to seize his own destiny before it landed in Yuri’s waiting palm, leaning around his friend to shoot a lazy “hey, teach” he knew she’d get mad enough about to lecture him on. Yuri glanced over his shoulder to see Byleth, shook his head with a smile. Beaten at his own game, he dragged a dejected Sylvain round the corner to where the others waited. Time for them to execute step three.

“I’m not a teacher.” From Byleth, four words were equivalent to a master's thesis. Claude sauntered over to where she stood, leaning over her so she can't see where Yuri and Sylvain disappear to.

"Semantics," Claude says with a shrug. Byleth rolls her eyes at him, folding her arms in front of her chest. Bad start, he'd have to work hard to get it back. Ashe had better be as quick as his reputation because Byleth was already tapping her foot impatiently.

* * *

**Step three:** break into the office, decipher Alois’ ad hoc, entirely random filing system and find Glenn’s file.

Breaking in was not going as well as they’d hoped.

"Said it needed some signature Gautier charm," Sylvain mumbles quietly. He's stood so his broad figure conceals the illicit activities behind him. Mercedes is a few steps in front, attempting to keep watch on the corridor. Sound echoes well off the stone hallways and they can hear the painful sounds of Claude striking out.

“Shhhhh, he needs to focus,” Yuri hisses at Sylvain. Ashe is bent in front of the lock, twisting the pins as he tries to find the point where it catches. He glances up to flash Yuri a quick thankful smile, then frowns back at the lock, the tip of his tongue poking out as he concentrates.

* * *

Claude huffed a laugh and held his hands up in defeat. “Whatever you say, Teach. I know when I’m beat.”

“NOT a teacher.”

“Okay, okay, so what should I call you? Ms Eisner? Byleth? Beautiful?” 

“You’re trouble, Riegan.” She starts to walk towards the office. Claude leans up from the wall to sidestep in front of her.

“That I am, teach. But you wouldn’t have it any other way,” he sassed.

“Still not a teacher.”

Claude flashes her a smile, his eyes twinkling. “Okay then, gorgeous.”

“Not better.”

“Well,  _ you _ didn’t answer my question. Or should I throw out more suggestions? Buttercup? Honey? Sugar? Mon petit chou-fleur? Ooooh, how about pickle, to match the hair?”

If looks could kill.

“Babe?” he coos, and she grimaces.

“Call me that again and I’ll cut out your tongue with a plastic spoon.” Her face is deadpan. She means it, too.

“I think you’ll struggle, cariña.” She arches a perfect eyebrow at the pet name, but doesn’t look any more murderous, so he thinks he’s onto a winner. “A plastic spoon isn’t even sharp.”

“That’s the point.”

“Sadist, huh? You should have said. I’d let you grasp my neck any day,” Claude smirks.

“Not a teacher, but I am staff. Knock it off. This is inappropriate”

“For now. But Alois is back soon, right?” A wary nod in agreement. “Y’know, cariña, I think this is the most I’ve ever heard you say. Who knew you were capable of waxing lyrical like this?”

Byleth lets out a sharp bark of laughter. “I take it back. I prefer teach.”

“Nah, you’re not a teacher. Nice reference, by the way. I love The Good Place, and Janet is best girl.”

“The  _ what!?” _

Oh, he’s struck gold. “The Good Place? Kristen Bell as hot mess Eleanor Shellstrop, Ted Danson as human wannabe Michael and the captivating Darcy Carden as ‘not a girl’ Janet, afterlife assistant and infinite source of all knowledge?”

“You’re making this up.”

“I’m really not. You should check it out.”

“Okay.” She walks forwards towards Claude and he finds himself walking backwards until she steps around him. Why is she so difficult? Most people lap up his flirty charm. It’s even sincere this time. New tactic.

“Hey, so because you  **are** staff right now, does that mean you’re coming on the pilgrimage as a responsible adult?” he called to her back. Byleth stopped, turning just her face to him.

“Unfortunately.”

Claude bent over in hysterics. “Wow. Just wow. I am so, so sorry in advance cariña.”

“Teach. But I’m not a teacher.”

“Sure, teach. Sure. This is going to be a fun one.”

She makes a face at him, clearly conflicted about something. She relents, turning to face him, and asks “what is this pilgrimage?”

“Oh my sweet summer child.”

* * *

Sylvain kept glancing impatiently back at them. Claude had clawed it back every time, but he was floundering. Turns out Byleth Eisner was more than a match for the stupid charming schemer. He was starting to like her even more. They really should have trusted him as the distraction. He had the  _ perfect _ topic, with photo evidence, to keep her busy.

Yuri thought Ashe looked really cute when he was frustrated. “I’m sorry guys, it’s just not working. Yuri, can you have a go?”

“For the love of Sothis - the doors aren’t even that good - let me just try,” Sylvain mutters under his breath, preparing to barge the door with his shoulder. He throws his entire weight into it and goes sprawling on the records office floor when Mercedes turns the doorknob with a quiet giggle. Luckily, the door didn’t slam into the photocopier hiding behind it.

“Teehee, it wasn’t even locked. Did you try the door handle to start, Ashe?”

Ashe blushed, clearly embarrassed.

“Oh Ashe,” Mercedes chided him gently, shaking her head with a smile.

“A hand please?” Sylvain reached one out for assistance getting off the floor in the tiny cupboard of a room. He’d been lucky not to hit his head on the desk close to the entrance, meant to block any ne’er do wells from accessing the records. Not that it would stop them. Past the tiny sliver of a gap between the desk and the wall were various filing cabinets labelled with letters of the alphabet, some with pictures of animals, superheroes, sports and memes on them. The desk was much clearer than usual, Byleth’s influence clear in the short time she’d been in charge. Instead of cluttered stacks of loose files, papers with notes and important documents to be filed and pens everywhere, the desk was clear except for the computer, a stationary organiser equipped with everything you could possibly need and a damning book titled ‘The 100 Punniest Jokes.’ So that was where he got those awful cheese one liners from.

“Where do we even start?” Ashe asked, staring in horror at the concept of trying to find anything in the hellish landscape of a “filing system” created by Alois.

Mercedes took charge. “Yuri, check B for Blue Lions, D for dancer, F for Fraldarius or fencing, G for Glenn, L for lions or Libra - he believes in astrology - and S for sidekick.”

Yuri makes a noise of disgust. “Doesn’t he know the world is flat?”

Shocked eyes fly to Yuri to check he’s joking, until they realise he’s being embarrassingly serious. Mercedes sighs exasperatedly and points at Ashe so she doesn’t have to deal with everything that was wrong with what just came out of Yuri’s mouth. “You take animals and superheroes. Try cats, dogs and birds - like heron, because of the cup.” He nods, heading to his filing cabinet.

“You’ll need to do Marvel and DC. Captain America and Ant Man are where I think Alois would put him for Marvel. As far as DC...I’d suggest The Green Lantern, Alois ribbed him for getting jealous when Dorothea flirted with Ingrid. Also, Alois calls him and Dima the ‘Dynamic Duo’, so check Robin,“ Sylvain contributes.

Mercedes nods, smiling. “I’ll do sports - polo, sword, fencing, basketball, soccer, rugby and cricket. As for the memes...I don’t know what to do for that one.”

“Oh, I do,” laughed Sylvain. “Trying sad clowns, the salty chef guy, kombucha girl and the white blonde guy who blinks to say ‘The fuck?’”

“Ohhh, I like that one,” Mercedes hums, rifling through the cricket drawer for any mention of Glenn.

* * *

“Sorry for laughing, teach. Anyway, the pilgrimage. Basically, it’s an homage to the Enlightened one from the Church of Seiros. When they were anointed as Archbishop, they undertook an inaugural tour of Fodlan. Visited all the old territories, made pleasantries with nobles et cetera. Some of the students here can trace their family lines back to the time it was alleged this all happened.”

“Alleged?”

“I’m not much of one for organised religion, teach. Causes too many rifts between people.”

“Understandable. Can you?”

“Can I what?” Claude retorts.

“Trace your line to then?”

“Yeah. Offsets of my family line go all the way back to the legends of Kyphon and Loog, although the Riegans branched off a bit later to create the old Alliance territory.”

“Hmm.”

He glances at her, contemplating if he should share more of his real feelings on the world. She had said so much to him already today. Surely he could trust her with a little more? “There’s an excessive amount of old money at this school. It could do a lot more good elsewhere, too.”

Byleth gave him a look.

“I know, I know. My family is subsidising our decadent ‘rich school’ trip to Morfis. But the place we’re staying? Owned and run by locals, not Fodlani businessmen. The jet? We pay for a set number of kids from disadvantaged backgrounds to get their flying licenses and employ them for a year. It’s not much, but it’s something.”

“And before you look at me like that again, I know we can do more. I want to do more. I  _ plan _ to do more, once I’m in charge of the family business. But for now, I influence what I can.”

“Admirable,” Byleth sighs. “Next you’ll tell me you have a dream.”

Claude glows under the praise and ignores her deflecting sarcasm. “So the school doesn’t make us traipse around Fodlan like the Enlightened One did, but we pick a location and travel there. There isn’t more purpose to it beyond seeing another part of the world, really.”

Byleth nodded, digesting the new information. He saw the moment it clicked in her head.

“I’m going as a chaperone.” Her face fell.

“Yes,” he encouraged.

“I’m more or less your age, and I have to be responsible for - ugh,” she groaned.

“I believe Seteth calls it ‘preserving the propriety of our youth’, teach” Claude smirked.

“Not better.” Byleth makes a pained face at the prospect of her pilgrimage responsibilities.

“Okay,  _ cariña _ .”

She shakes her head at him, laughing.

* * *

Sylvain bends over, unable to breathe, his body shaking with silent laughter at his discovery.

“What did you find?” Yuri asks, needing to know but still dutifully checking through the L for Lion or Libra section.

“Not Felix or Glenn, but their dad - Rodrigue - in the  _ sad clown  _ section. With a nose and hat too!” Sylvain holds up the edited photo for everyone to see. No-one else seems to find this as amusing as he does, though, so he shrugs and puts the file back. If only they knew how uptight he was.

“Hang on, wait. Hahahaha oh wow this is our lucky day. The meme cabinet is  _ gold. _ ” Still in the sad clown section, he pulls out a manilla folder with the words STAFF - JERALT REUS EISNER and removes the staff photo.

Mercedes clucks disapprovingly. “Staff records really should be more secure than that.” She still looks when Sylvain passes the picture around. This edit included the make up.

“How am I meant to take him seriously ever again?” Sylvain wheezed.

“Mercie, please, please, please photocopy this for us?” Ashe asks, using his best puppy dog eyes.

“I only agreed to Glenn’s. Put that away and get back to work.” Her tone was gentle but her eyes were not and the boys knew well enough to obey.

They could hear Claude and Byleth laughing in the corridor, so at least that was going well.

“Our moment has come - I’ve got it!” Ashe called to the group.

**Step four:** Let Mercedes work her copier magic. She jumped into action, grabbing the file from his hands and taking it to the photocopier. Pulling out the front page without looking - they’d agreed everyone had to see it at the same time - she put it face down and pressed the right buttons to make the copy. For a technophobe, Alois sure did have a complicated machine, but she supposed it was to stop people doing exactly what she was now.

The familiar whir died down, and their task was complete.

“Put this back where you got it from.” Mercedes passed him the file back. She folds the copy and puts it into her messenger bag for safekeeping.

“Sure thing. Dynamic Duo Robin was the key!”

With the file returned and the copy safely hidden in Mercedes’ bag, they exited the room. Yuri gave it one last glance, checking for any evidence of their misdeeds. Satisfied there were none, it was time to move on to  **step 5:** escape from the office, extract the distraction and show everyone what Glenn had been hiding.

* * *

Byleth clearly suspected nothing when they casually strolled past her towards the common room. Yuri linked an arm through his as they walked past, causing Claude to excuse himself - “Sorry teach, he’s so demanding! Nice chat though” - as he was dragged away.

They made it to the large doors at the end before she called Sylvain back.

“Gautier? A word?”

The group tried not to make the tension they felt tangible in the air. They act cool, calm and collected as they wait for Sylvain by the double doors. He casually jogs down the hallway and bends down towards Byleth. She tiptoes up to meet him, and they discuss something in low, whispered voices. Practiced in eavesdropping, Yuri strained to hear them but couldn’t quite make it out. Sylvain even gets his phone out and hands it to her for something. She swipes and taps at the screen, big eyes staring into his as she gives it back. He bends right over her to whisper something in her ear. When they part, the faintest hint of pink dusts her face and Sylvain is smiling like the cat that got the cream. Yuri and Claude stare dumbfounded.

“You really should have let him be the distraction, huh?” Ashe remarks as Sylvain saunters back up to them.

“B-b-but you have no game,” Claude stammers.

“I don’t understand it.”

Sylvain pats Yuri patronisingly on the head. “Unsurprising. You don’t understand a lot of things buddy, like how the world is round.”

“Teach me your secrets,” Claude implores, following behind Sylvain as he strides away.

* * *

They have it. The forbidden information.

Felix and Glenn are off showing their father around the newer sections of the school, no doubt hearing stories of when Rodrigue and Dimitri’s father, Lambert, snuck out of lessons during their years at the facility. The coast was clear.

After his impressive display with Byleth, Sylvain had been entrusted with the big reveal by his classmates. No need for them to know that Byleth’s pink fluster was not, in fact, for him, but was, in fact, for a certain sourpuss with a hatred of all things sweet. He’d shown her the photos of him in dancer getup for the rehearsals and he intended to use the immediate reaction she’d had to push the two of them together. She wasn’t really staff, Felix was much better than Claude in his opinion, Yuri was clearly head over heels for Ashe, and as much as he did play the field and joke around about it, he only had eyes for one special someone. They’d be doing the world a favour, really, as redheads are dying out. Plus, it would probably be good for him to be with a woman whose sigh was so devastating he couldn’t bear to disappoint her.

He glanced up to try and meet her eyes, but she was too busy chatting to Hubert about coffee. Sylvain cleared his throat dramatically.

“If I might have everyone’s attention, the moment we have all been waiting for has arrived!” He takes a deep, theatrical bow.

“Ladies, Gentlemen, Enbys and everything in between, I present to you today the one, the only, the man - the myth - the legend - Mr Glenn Fraldarius’ passport photo!”

He presented the page for everyone to see with a grand flourish and was immediately disappointed.

The photo was fine.

Glenn looked good. Not model headshot good, but passable. There was nothing wrong with the photo, so why had he been so secretive?

Then he spotted  _ it. _

It shouldn’t have been as funny as it was. In truth, if Glenn hadn’t gone to such lengths to cover it up, it was likely no-one would have batted an eyelid.

Sylvain was glad Glenn had made such a fuss.

“Ohohoho,” he chuckled with a wicked grin. Ingrid stifled a laugh herself, which set Dimitri off, until everyone was laughing.

Sylvain could barely breathe, his cheeks ached from smiling and his abs hurt from the workout. He was sure Dimitri’s deep boom was shaking the foundations.

As if on cue, the Fraldarius family appeared in the doorway. Sylvain couldn’t look him in the face, so he looked at the incriminating evidence they had discovered.

_ Glenjamin M. Fraldarius. _

Glenn was short for  _ Glenjamin. _

He shouldn’t have looked down, it set him off again. Even Hubert was joining in with his disney villain cackle. Ferdinand, for all his protests, was beet red from his poor efforts to keep a straight face.

The Fraldarius men gave them all the same weird look. After it became clear there would be no explanation for the spontaneous giggle fit, they turned to leave.

Then Annette, unable to help herself, starts humming in the background. “Glenjamin, Glenjamin, Glenji, Glenji, Glenji, Glenji, Glenjamin.”

He wheels round in horror to stare at his classmates, which made Felix press a hand into his forehead, close his eyes and bend double with laughter. Except the hand on his forehead brushed against something, and he opened his eyes to discover he was indecently close to Byleth’s chest.

He jumped a foot away from her as Rodrigue stared at his sons with a mixture of mild disappointment and amusement. Neither of whom noticed or cared because they were too busy sniggering at each other.

It didn’t matter what happened on the pilgrimage now. This memory would be something they could never forget.

**Author's Note:**

> Introducing Mr Glenjamin Fraldarius, everyone. I hope you appreciate him as much as we do.  
> Annette is humming to the tune of Lollipop by the Chordettes.
> 
> Vi found the name whilst looking for a middle name for him. I was in hysterics for two hours when I was meant to be sleeping and I woke up to 300+ notifications. We are not a large server.
> 
> This was really self indulgent I don't know what to tell you. Apologies to those waiting for me to finish BBS, you get this nonsense in the mean time.
> 
> Ty as always to Vi and Sayl. Vi, you always provide us with the most blessed - and cursed content. Never change. Sayl, you always reign us in when we go too far, and we definitely need it aha.  
> Special thanks to Tricky, who contributed star signs as a possible bonkers filing system for Alois.


End file.
